What keeps you from knowing yourself?
It’s easy to be busy and get caught up in the requirements of life, families, work and community; and we rarely stop to take a breath and reflect.
Who am I? What do I really want?
We all have carefully constructed strategies in place to avoid feeling and looking at ourselves, which may keep us productive but not necessarily in the direction of our personal fulfillment.
We are born into wholeness.
We are born enough.
Our self (who we are) is a combination of our genetics, our upbringing and the ideas that construct and dominate our society.
Interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) is an area of study which attempts to understand the process of a child’s innate drive for closeness to their primary caregivers and how they encode who they are as a result of the messages they receive from them. We expect our caregivers to help us feel safe, seen and soothed and when we don’t get that our brains will rewire so that we adopt the notion that we are not getting what we need and so something must be wrong with us.
This is not to put the blame upon our caregivers who were often doing the best they could given their own circumstances. Healing is about coming to an understanding of who we are and why we choose to believe certain things about ourselves.
TRULY KNOWING OURSELVES IS FUNDAMENTAL TO A LIFE WELL LIVED.
Are you happy and satisfied with your life the way it is?
Largely, our life is a construct of unconscious choices that we make in reaction to the avoidance of pain.
Suffering comes from ongoing avoidance of a painful truth, the truth about ourselves and others.
With the guidance of a counsellor, we can allow ourselves to slow down and take a look at who we are and the results that are coming up in our life. If we don’t like the results, with the counsellor’s help, we can figure out what we’re doing and the steps to take to move forward towards the results we want to create.
How to start the journey?
For many people, it can be quite difficult to take a look at ourselves, to ask the right questions and to be honest in the answering. This is where a counselor’s experience and process create a safe environment, so that we can figure out who we are at the core and what we want to create.
“Only when compassion is present are people willing to tell the truth.”
— Gabor Mate
How does counseling help us find our purpose or passion if we don’t know what it is?
Through a process of inquiry, and with great compassion, a Repiphany counsellor, will help you understand, at a base level, your core values, your core beliefs and above all, your core needs; in other words, your authentic self — and what you need to live a fulfilled life on your terms.
With this deeper level of self-awareness, you will know the elements that not only make sense to you, but what you must have in order to live your best life according to who you are at your core. With compassionate and respectful support, through the process of rediscovering yourself, you can lay the path for your personal fulfillment, a path in which each stone is purposefully placed in alignment with your authentic self.
As you then set out on that path, you will find that you are better equipped to align what you do with who you are. You will recognize when you are out of alignment, and you will seek ways to be in greater alignment.
When what we do, how we’re doing it and above all why we’re doing it align with our core needs, values and beliefs, then we are able to have a more fulfilling experience in life. The puzzle pieces fit and life is easier and more enjoyable.
Knowing who we are makes choices easier
When we become aware, we can make conscious decisions from our authentic self, not from unconscious patterns that only serve to reinforce old ways of being.
When we know who we are we’ll likely stop saying “yes” to things that distract us. Sometimes we unintentionally say “yes” to a whole bunch of things without considering whether or not what we’re saying “yes” to will actually take us where we want to go.
Then our life becomes too crowded with all the things that we said “yes” to. And we don’t have space to actually live the life that will fulfill us, or to be more purposeful with our choices.
Knowing ourselves and standing firmly in who we are, while also being clear about where we want to go, makes making decisions and choices easier. When faced with “yes or no” or “A or B,” we literally just have to ask ourselves, “Which one is most aligned with who I am and will get me closer to what I want?”
Living in alignment with who we are leads to better relationships
When we are living an aligned life we’re also more likely to have better relationships — we’re more solid in who we are and we are less likely to be looking for external validation.
Often people stay in relationships, even though they aren’t working, simply because they are getting some sort of external validation from them.
When we know how to get our core needs met in ways that fulfill us, then we’re less likely to look externally for validation and therefore we’re less likely to stay stuck in relationships that aren’t working.
It also means we have more to offer our relationships.
Knowing ourselves and our path brings us home
Italian psychologist Roberto Assagioli coined the term “Divine Homesickness” referring to how we often look outside of ourselves for fulfillment, when all we truly need is to come back home into ourselves.
When we know who we are at our deepest level, and start living in alignment with the life we want to create, a few things start to happen.
- The nagging voice in our head telling us “You’re not doing what you’re suppose to be doing” is silenced.
- No longer do we feel that something is missing from our life. Our actions are on purpose. We’re not looking for a missing piece. We’re in motion towards fulfillment as we’ve defined it and in ways that meet our core needs.
- We feel at home with ourselves. Rediscovering yourself brings a contentedness that comes from a homecoming. When we finally reach the place of knowing who we are, able to sit with our greatest wants and needs, it feels like we are at home within ourselves. There’s a sense of peace that comes when we’re no longer searching.